Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
