woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
