Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
