i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's get the cat blown out
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
