i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
