Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
