yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
