why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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