Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
