Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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