now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
