just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So vagazzling was a success
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
