Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
