return my video game
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
