i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
