Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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