This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
