Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
