party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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