People in love make me want to vomit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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