I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
