I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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