also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I want her autograph on my taint
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
