i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
