bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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