Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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