Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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