This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
