I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
