when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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