I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
