I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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