too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
