Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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