they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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