I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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