some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
