come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
