Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
