your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
