you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
