I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
