I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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