We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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