I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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