She's JV to your varsity
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
