You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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