Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
