she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
