I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
