You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
